What Women Need to Know About Men
79
It is just the plain truth, men and women are different. One of the difficult challenges of a relationship is understanding that a man's perspectives on the things are physiologically different than those of a woman. Not only do men act differently, they think differently.
Men that I have talked to about this subject are often frustrated because women expect them to think like women. Women wonder why just he can't open up and share his emotions. As women our feelings come easily, and too often we assume that men can express their emotions in a similar way. Because a man does not always openly express his emotions, women too often feel that his ‘unavailability' is intentional, that his silence as an unwillingness to open up. Men are actually full of thoughts and feelings, but unable to meet the standards that too many put on them to openly communicate them.
Is it possible men simply have different wiring than women and that they simply do not recognize or express their emotions as naturally as women? Yes!!
Research shows it takes men many hours longer than women to process complex emotional data. When men do identify their feelings, do they lack the ability to talk about them easily? Sometimes!
These traits of a man do not make him wrong or bad, just different than women. And I for one am glad they are different! What a boring world this would be if we all thought the same, felt the same, and reacted to life the same. Ugh!
Women need to have more understanding of the wiring of men vs. women. Here is a list of a few things I have heard men say they wish women understood about them:
Men would rather not be loved at all than feel inadequate and disrespected. Men desire and need to know that their women respect them privately and publicly. Men thrive when they know that their sweethearts trust them, admire them, and believe in them. Men are driven by respect and admiration where women are more driven by the emotional things.
Men often response with anger when they feel disrespected. When a man becomes angry with his lover, he may not come out and say, "You've disrespected me!" But, there is a good chance that he is feeling stung by something done towards him that he considered disrespectful and humiliating.
Men do have insecurities too. Men have insecurities about their performance in life and relationships as well as at work. They may never tell anyone this, but they are secretly vulnerable. How does a woman help change the insecurity to confidence? Affirmation and Compliments! To men, affirmation from their wives or girlfriends means everything! If they don't receive this positive feedback, they will seek it elsewhere. When they receive regular and genuine positive attention and compliments from their wives, they tend to become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives.
Men are conquerors and providers. Intellectually, it doesn't matter how much income man makes, or whether or not his wife makes more or less money in her career. Men innately bear the emotional burden of being the provider. It is not a choice; it is just the way that men are wired. It is never far from their minds and can sometimes make a man feel trapped. Women can help her man by giving him healthy doses of appreciation, encouragement, and support. But a man can tell if the appreciation, encouragement and support is not genuine. It must come from her heart.
Men want more sex. Everyone's natural response to this is probably, "Duh!" We assume that men want more sex with their wives due to their physical wiring. But, surprisingly, research shows that men want more sex is because of their strong need to be desired by their wives as well as it is a man's deepest way to show his emotional love. It is the ultimate in their expression of their love to their lover. Men just like women, simply need to be wanted. Regular, fulfilling sex is critical to a man's sense of feeling loved and desired. Men have a physiological need for the sexual release. The same for women, physical sexual release will release endorphins into the brain thus stimulating happiness, euphoria and satisfaction. When men feel their wives desire them sexually, it has a profound effect on the rest of their lives. It gives them an increasing sense of confidence and well-being that carries over into every other area of his life. The flipside of this coin also carries a profoundly negative affect. When a husband feels rejected sexually, he not only feels his wife is rejecting him physically, but that she is somehow rejecting his life as a husband, provider, and man. This is why making sex a priority in marriage is so incredibly important!
See this article for more information http://www.atus.net/comechk/newsbin/health/sex-heals.html
Men enjoy romance, but are not completely sure how to be. Many men appear to be unromantic clods, but it doesn't mean that they choose to be that way! They want to be romantic, but they just are unsure of their ability to pull it off in a way that will be pleasing to the woman. They are deterred by the risk of humiliation and failure. Wives can do a great deal to increase their man's confidence in their romantic skills by encouragement and redefining what is romantic. For example, a wife may refuse when her husband asks her to go along to the hardware store, but it's likely that he's asking because he sees it as a time they can get away as a couple and hang out together. What's not romantic about that? (According to a man's way of thinking!)
Men do care about their wife's appearance. This isn't saying that all men want their wives to look like the a supermodel. What men really want is to know that their wives are making an effort to take care of themselves because it matters to her man! Husbands appreciate the efforts their wives make to maintain their attractiveness. Just the same as a woman appreciates that her husband desires to be in shape and keeping up his appearance for her.
Men want their wives to know how much they love them. Men may not be the best at expressions of love whether it be verbally or by actions, but they truly desire that their sweetheart knows how much they love her. Men express their love in different ways than women. Remember earlier it was said that men are providers, which is an expression of his love to his woman, by providing a home, a car, money for food and bills, etc. Caring for the car and keeping it running smoothly is another expression of his love, he wants her to be safe on the road! Mowing the lawn, upkeep on the house, doing the ‘honey do' list, are all ways he is striving to do things that please her and make her proud of him. Women need to understand this and acknowledge their appreciation of these deeds!
 | Amazon Price: $4.46 List Price: $14.99 |
 | Amazon Price: $6.10 List Price: $14.99 |
 | Amazon Price: $14.99 |
 | Amazon Price: $4.97 List Price: $14.95 |
vote upvote downshareprintflag
- Useful (32)
- Funny (1)
- Awesome (16)
- Beautiful (8)
- Interesting (5)
I had a question. I have been dating someone about a month, and although I give him nice compliments, I have yet to hear him give me a compliment, whether it's that I'm wearing a nice dress, or I'm nice, or anything like that. What does it mean when men fail to give compliments. He treats me nice in every other way, and we thoroughly enjoy being together.
Men are not mind readers and generally tend to not realize that they are not giving compliments when they could be. I suggest that you share with him that it is important to you that he notice how you look and how you appreciate the compliments. Often men assume that their partner 'just knows' that they love them or like the way they look and fail to express it.
i really love this site and i learn toappreaciate and understand more my borfriend because of this.i hope there will be a lot more revelations about men that we should know. thanks!
I know a man who is constantly flirting with me and complimenting me about my appearance. He is very attractive and he says when I am in his presence I make him nervous. Should I take this as an insult or a compliment?
Christine, it definatly sounds like he is flirting. How do you feel about it? Do you feel attracted to him also? I would ask him why you make him 'nervous'. Perhaps he is so attracted to you that he gets butterflies. Just be cautious and be sure you do not get caught up in the moment and not see if he is just being flirtatious for one reason or if he is really attracted to you genuinly.
Mary, from what I've seen in the past, men tend to be selfish while women are more giving not of material things only, but also of themselves.
Is this true that men tend to be selfish?
I believe that there are selfish people, male and female. It is not necessarily a gender thing. It is true that women are more in tune to the needs of others more than most men, so with that said, it is important that women learn to express their needs to their man. Communication and hearing your partner is important in all relationships for them to be successful.
So in my opinion, both genders need to realize that when listening to their partner and being aware of the other person's needs and doing their best to satisfy their partner, in the end, both will be more satisfied because they both are being more attentive and giving.
I recommend the documentary "raising cain," for learning for about men and the way they are "programmed." It' very interesting and it helped me to understand my husband and my son better.
This is a great piece. It's taken me two books about gender differences, 10 years and much inner therapy to accept the fact that men are in fact different than women. It's been an eye-opening journey, but, armed with this knowledge, I have been better able to navigate my marriage, and male friendships and relationships. With men, I've learned to be extremely direct (that's how they communicate), lovingly patient and grateful there is a yin for the female yang.
Keep up the good work!
so much great advise offered here.. still learning to grasp the differences in the sexes.. i guess its just one of those mysteries in life and what attracts us to each other.. being so opposite.. great hub !! :)
Whoa, as a guy, I thought everything was going well until the selfish part, I agreed with it all, but hmmm, doesnt selfish and provider kinda go hand in hand. Guarenteed some women out there gonna argue with this... and why am i learning about this, no its not that im gay, im tryin to figure out how to get a woman, im attractive i think, i just lack that confidence thing, for some reason i think the world depends on that first impression, cant quite get over it..
I must say that I learned a lot from this article. It helps me as a woman understand my spouse more in depth. It actually helps me with my own insecurities as a woman. A part of my insecurities derive from not understanding my man. This is really good info for couples who truly love each other.
Mary D, you are a genius! :D
So different yet we desire the same emotional necessities. God or the spiritual power you may believe in is like a child with an ant farm watching to see who will figure it out.
Love between men and women first starts with love of self regardless of gender. We all have inherant behavior instilled within us since our existance came to be. There is no one broad answer or silver bullet. THE BOTTOMLINE IS GOOD RELATIONSHIPS TAKE WORK AND UNDERSTANDING. I am of the belief that the keys to the doors of the future are discovered by unlocking and understanding your past and empowering yourself to create the life you seek to embrace.
It is a journey of brutal honesty. We all have images and experiences that have shaped and groomed our thinking and behavior whether positive or negative.
Admitedly as a single man, I have been in a time of reflection and the obsevation made have been astounding revelations.
This is not offered as an excuse as much as a call to action. As we grow to experience new heights we must all hold ourselves accountable for understanding ourselves and making positive changes in our lives.
Do not wait for someone to help you unlock your mind, do not wait for someone to come help you experience the pinnacle of your desires. Be responsible, create the life and love you want. Fear is an illusion we have all worked past from the moment we began to walk in this world thus we all stand up and walk.
To all fellow men, apparently our species is in a socially and apparently genetic dispostion when it comes to emotional maturity. This is all the more reason we must come into our age. Similar to the feminist movement which was catalitic to shaping the identity and social position of women, we must also continue to grow and develop.
Take action now for yourself and the one you love, I wish you the very best!
-JourneyOne
I wish you all the very best
This is honestly dead on when it comes
to how us men feel about relationships and maintaining a desire for eachother
As a man, i strongly agree with the point mentioned above that men would rather not to be loved at all than feel disrespected and not enough. It is so true!
cicaa - you jumped the gun telling the dude that you have feelings for him ... bad idea ... let him initiate and pursue ... "he makes me feel like he loves me" - oh what nonsense - he just loves kissing and touching your body - cut out the fooling around and see if he sticks around - if he loves you enough to get to know you.
My husband wil tell me that he lover me when i complain that he doesnt. He talks less, he doesnt provide, he doesnt take me out, he buys me gifts after i complain that he doesnt and comes out in defence of his negligence. Does he love me?
As a man, I can only say, If only more women recognized some of the things you say here! (I'm sure men misunderstand women plenty, also.)
For example, I've so often heard women say, "What difference does it make how I look? He should love me for the inner me." Well, how would you react if your husband quit his job and started spending all his time at the bar, and then said, "What difference does it make how much money I make or how much I drink? She should love me for the inner me."
On another of your points, someone once said that a woman needs to be wanted while a man wants to be needed. I think there's a lot of truth in that. To a man, it is important that he is achieving, contributing something, accomplishing something. But it seems to me that women are more concerned about being loved and wanted then respected and needed.
This is an eye-opener to me. Things will never be the same again in my marriage.
In the book Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson you'll find this and much more on marriage. I asure you it will do miracles in your marriage or relationship! My husband & I are part of a group of couples reading this book and we're seeing great things happening in our marriages!
the sad thing about this article is the fact it is true, however is not reciprocated most of the time...women are just left holding the bag..men need all this shit to function and feel validated and so do women but when we need it ..we are needy selfish and emotional.....being single is less of a headache...it's all constant games....can't be too huggy can't be too sexy can't be too concerned but better take care of yourself go to the gym if he's not feeling loved he'll look for it somewhere else well guess what women are doing it to looking for it somewhere else and I used to think geez what happen to all the good woman these unreachable expectations are exactly what happened....
I have this problem where my fiance is 3 years younger than me. I have a job and she is still in art school. She has loads of college friends and I have a few work acquaintances. I constantly feel like I'm being put second to her friends. This past Thanksgiving, her parents told her they didn't want her around for thanksgiving and she was so upset. I was going to visit my family while she visited her's because her parents and I don't get along so well. She came crying to me and after not seeing my family since August, I skipped out on Thanksgiving with them for her. I stayed up till 4:30 in the morning comforting her. I didn't get one thank you, but I didn't do it for thanks, I did it because I love her. She went back to college on Monday, told one of her guys friends, whom I have told her I was jealous of, about her parents telling her not to come home, and he offered to take her out for their own little Thanksgiving, just the 2 of them and she was so happy and excited and telling me just how wonderful he was. Am I terrible for getting angry?
Men will always be men no matter how hard you try,you can't satisfied them
Great insight, and useful tips to understanding how men think. It would make women's lives a lot easier if they passed out a handbook in school or something. Thanks for the Hub!
OK, then, men really do think differently than women! Men want more sex than women? Depends on the man. I know many deadbeat husbands, haha. Great hub!
My boyfriend and i have been together for 4 yrs or there a bouts. For a large amount of that time he has been unable to 'perform'. He has seen a Dr and has been prescribed tablets to combat this but he won't take them. I am beginning to feel undesirable and unloved. Although I can't imagine what he is feeling? Whether scared they won't work or they won't return him to how he used to be? HELP!!!
This article is so not written by a woman.
Melly, I am very much a woman and I wrote this article!
women must know that man gets tempted/stimulated under the influence of opposite sex. his desire is momentary. in real life a man who compares the partner with beauty of heaven, he sees devil in the same partner over a period of time. man looses attraction in partner and become inert after 50 years, tends for /opt for change. stimulates with change, but inert with same partner. a man in the beginning is not same after 10 years. how ever the man with self esteem and true to self will over come this phenomenon.
easegiri 5 years ago
All are rightly said, and it reflects about men's true state of mind. Taking tips from here both men and women can re-think their acts, They can arrive at a compromise understading and lead a happy life.