Communication Between Men and Women
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Women often complain that communicating with men is like trying to talk to someone who does not know your language. Eventually, it becomes frustrating for everyone in the conversation. Men complain that all women want to do is talk, talk, talk. Below are some ways men and women can improve on how they communicate with the each other.
Men communicate to share information, not necessarily to establish a relationship. A conversation with a man might not always be as satisfying as a conversation with a girlfriend. Men keep their ‘information sharing' to a minimum. They get to the point, state it and are usually done. Women like to share the how, why and where details and the feelings and emotions whereas a man avoids those extra details typically. And they do not always purposefully avoid them, it is just the way their brains are wired.
Not all men are as interested in chatting as women are. Men tend to speak half as many words as women do on a daily basis. The way to get a man to be ‘chatty' is to get them talking about a topic they love such as a hobby, sports, or their job. They want women to listen to them as much as women want them to listen to their side of the conversation.
Most men are bottom-line oriented and will be better listeners if you get to the point quicker. It is not necessarily that they are not interested in the extra verbiage about how you did something or why or how it made you feel; they just process information much differently than a woman and often times get lost and do not ‘get' the point you are making. Not that a man is not intelligent or unable to communicate, but that their brains process things much differently than a female brain.
The best way to keep a man's attention is to be more direct in your communication. Men lose interest when you take a wordy route to the point of your story.
Remember, men are problem solvers and tend to see the problems that a woman may share with him as needing to be fixed or solved when all she wants is to talk about them. Men and women both can usually solve their own issues by just verbalizing them. Have you ever shared a problem with someone and ‘hearing' yourself talk about it made the issue seem not as bad or the solution pops into your mind as you talk about it?
Women communicate to establish relationships, so they tend to be chattier and more personal in their conversation. Women are interested in the how, why and the feelings and emotions of a situation.
Men need to realize that not every question from a woman is a problem begging for a solution. A woman will ask for your help or a solution if she needs one, most of the time she is venting or verbalizing just to verbalize!
It is a fact of life that women use twice as many words as men do. Don't be frustrated by it!
Advice for a man? Listen, listen, listen. And also realize that you can learn a lot about your partner by listening more. Mirror back to her what she said to clarify her meanings if you don't know. You can't read her mind any more than she can read yours.
Advice for a woman? Talk to your girlfriends more! ;-) Kidding aside, women need to engage her man in conversations that interest him more, be less wordy in your side of the conversations and be more to the point. And remember, he cannot read your mind any more than you can read his!
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You're correct in many regards and not in others. Soon leave a URL location to discuss more. For now, read "You Just Don't Understand" by Deborah Tannen; I talk way more than my wife/partner because I cross genders styles in my mind, a volitional choice because women are mo, Be are interesting than men. Be aware that men like to communicate while doing something not face to face generally, so walk, golf, watch sports, workout with one and talk. Men create connection by one-upping instead of
nice blog...!
quite informative...
Stop over analyzing this stuff. Suck it up women. The truth is that women WANT a problem solver and not a listener. Women have friends and a mother they can go whine and moan to. I for one don't tolerate a woman whining like a brat over nothing. If you want to whine and be heard get a friend, if you want a problem solved come to me. I'm not built and equipped for the former, dont want to be, don't want to pretend to be, so take it elsewhere.
When a woman does come to me and presents some absurd issue she feels she is facing I always have found the best reaction comes when you minimize the problem in a way that gives them confidence they can deal with it and then quickly change the subject or divert their attention. Women are smart enough to know that they oftentimes think irrationally and overly-emotionally about things. They want you to validate that and tell them that whatever problem they are pawning over is not a big deal. Be asssertive, get some balls and be a man.
When she expresses a problem say something like "you're not seriously worried about that are you?" Then briefly assue her, "what a waste of time...you got that" and then change subject "lets go jetskiing." Just seee what happens when you provide them with an escape from their worries instead of engaging them.
If you're not a part of the solution you're a part of the problem. Women don't have any clue what they really want in men. Its all instinctual. But its why bad boy typees like me pound your girlfriends while you sit at home with your tissue box. Start behaving based on the way women think not what they say they think or WANT to think.
Women want to be more like men in many ways. The feminist movement is inherently flawed because its essential goal is to achieve equality including killing what is feminine. Popular culture, romanticizing of courting rituals, puritanical social roots, stigma, etc. all works against women expressing what they REALLY want. This is why they say they want the nice guy but like the badd boy. This is why they say they hate surprises but love them. This is why...ad nauseaum.
Don't fall for it bro or someone like me is gonna steal your bitch. Articles like this are Grade A Crap. Just look at the guys with multiple options.
Oh my god. I assume you are not married. I pray that no woman ever puts up with you.
Dear Bradford,
You are a complete asshole and I hope you realize that
you do not have one iota of understanding, compassion
or emotional intelligence in your email. Is that to
the point enough for ya?
Bradford, MAN UP! You think it makes you a man to admit that you give no positive feedback to your female and "pound her girlfriends while she gets the tissue box"? This makes you a colossal joke and a non-candidate for marriage and relationships! You may think you are hot for sex, while women may be laughing at you behind your back as they "pound" your boys!
What women really do want is a caring, sensitive strong man to guide them and comfort them through their troubles! Not judge them and throw them to the dogs like you! We can solve our own problems, we just want a strong man in our life to be there for us and stick by us through life! Doesn't sound like you, pretty boy!
Thanks for fodder!
Dianadiva1
Every woman has a different expectation from a guy. I am going through some headaches myself because a girl that i like only has interest in heavymetal dudes (particularly musicians) as she herself is a metal chick (mainly death metal). Shes been through a few bad relationships yet refuses to acknowledge the fact that metal musicians as well as any musician for that matter, are constantly approached by groupie chicks that get a thrill out of bangin a musician. So how the hell can you actually expect to have your dude be faithful? Some learn the hardway like after they marry the guy. But at least they learn their lesson. Yet try to talk sense into her and she'll ignore you. And when i get ignored, i get upset and start emailing you more. I know thats stupid. So now she labels me as 'needy'. Thats one of the worst things to be labeled as a dude is needy. How is it needy when you enticed my rage? You cry about your failed relationships, then ignore me when you dont hear what you wanna hear, but then i am needy?
The funny thing is, if you look at the signs of a needy guy, one of them is constantly calling or emailing a girl. What a catch 22. Im doing what a needy guy does but not because im needy, im pissed. A needy guy constantly calls a girl if he thinks about her romantically all the time and cant live without her, etc. But not because youre upset that she dont want to hear the truth.
Chances are she is having the time of her life watching me flip, but at the end of the day, who is the grown up ? Whos playing the silly game?
So what do women want?
Bradford only wanted attention here like the ladies do too-i bet he cries himself a river when a woman isnt doing what he expects her to do lol
women use twice words than man..
i think bradford has a point. why indulge in problems? seriously. so many women i know suffer from overtalking overanalyzing overthinking their shit. what they really need is just to reconnect with their own sense of confidence that they can handle their life (which they can, and if they don't believe that, then they need a psychologist not a man), and one of the best ways to do that is to have some fun. go dancing, shoot some pool, play sports, tell some jokes, have a good time. seriously. bradford may sound like a dick but honestly what he's saying makes a lot of sense and actually works.
men shouldn't be counsellors for their women. counsellors should be counsellors for women. or their girlfriends. but not men.
ps innovations: you are needy. that's all good but awareness is the first step man. you're posting about your relationship problems on a public board ... needy.
good luck
glassvisage Level 6 Commenter 3 years ago
I think men aren't so interested in sharing information as they are trying to show how much they know, and that they are competent. They are much more competitive, generally, while women talk more to establish a deeper relationship. Good idea for a Hub!